the so-far undateable Mr Jacob Klik.

a sad and queer short history of doomed hook-ups and emotional hang-ups:


Edna Jane Blane
the very thought of this girl would make his mouth water. violently. like a dropped firehose. of course this made telephone calls extinct as the water would soak the receiver such that the listener would merely hear a frothing roar, with an indistinct blubbering. sounding very much like an underwater motorbike and sidecar running low on fuel and piloted by mourning chimps.


Harriet Finby
upon the sight of her ankles, mr Kliks hands would nervously swell to such a large extent that the fingernails would fire off, bursting nearby childrens balloons and embedding in ornate ceiling plaster. ruling out dates to both funfairs and expensive restaurants.


Georgina Vole
although beaufitul and funny, in the bedroom they proved, um, incompatible,to specify further here would be crass and vulgar.

Karen Dane
Karens soulful sad eyes reminded mr Klik of two sloping almonds rutting for the rights to the bridge of her nose. after that connection was made, further progress was impossible. mr Klik has a severe nut allergy.

Laura Jane May
such was the attractiveness of her natural body odour, mr Klik would become filled with such odour ardour that he would uncontrollably clamp down with his teeth on her peachy flesh. and not playful lovebites neither. so that large portions of her flesh became crimped like the edge of a home baked pie eventually making her unsightly and therefore undateable to the shallow mr Klik.

as a trivial side note, this girl went on to have a bustling circus career as the inside-out girl…. the long seams of raised teethmarks running all over her body making it appear like stitching on a handmade doll turned inside out.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to the so-far undateable Mr Jacob Klik.

  1. Jando says:

    I can't help feeling that Jacob Klik and Harriet Finby should set up business as artex removers.

  2. Ishtar says:

    [هذا هو الحكم]

  3. Ishtar says:

    Oh I mean when it bounces and twitches. (Does it do that?)

  4. yes. artex is a bugger.
    i have it on my ceiling.
    i'm sure you wanted to know that.

  5. Jamie says:

    Poor Mr. Klik. I was thinking maybe he ought to date blind-folded until I got to Laura Jane May..wasn't she in Little House On The Prairie? I'm glad she found a new career.

  6. yes jamie. one of the few to find work after LHOTP got dropped. when will we learn to protect our great actors and actressessess? all that talent. snuffed out. overnight.
    history keeps repeating itself. the sheild. the sopranos. golden girls. when will we learn to protect our dearest international acting treasures?

  7. navelgazer says:

    characteristically delightful. my favorite bit, apart from the always ingenious names, is the flying fingernails. masterful. and a tip of the hat to the nut allergy.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s