a sad and queer short history of doomed hook-ups and emotional hang-ups:
Edna Jane Blane
the very thought of this girl would make his mouth water. violently. like a dropped firehose. of course this made telephone calls extinct as the water would soak the receiver such that the listener would merely hear a frothing roar, with an indistinct blubbering. sounding very much like an underwater motorbike and sidecar running low on fuel and piloted by mourning chimps.
upon the sight of her ankles, mr Kliks hands would nervously swell to such a large extent that the fingernails would fire off, bursting nearby childrens balloons and embedding in ornate ceiling plaster. ruling out dates to both funfairs and expensive restaurants.
although beaufitul and funny, in the bedroom they proved, um, incompatible,to specify further here would be crass and vulgar.
Karens soulful sad eyes reminded mr Klik of two sloping almonds rutting for the rights to the bridge of her nose. after that connection was made, further progress was impossible. mr Klik has a severe nut allergy.
Laura Jane May
such was the attractiveness of her natural body odour, mr Klik would become filled with such odour ardour that he would uncontrollably clamp down with his teeth on her peachy flesh. and not playful lovebites neither. so that large portions of her flesh became crimped like the edge of a home baked pie eventually making her unsightly and therefore undateable to the shallow mr Klik.
as a trivial side note, this girl went on to have a bustling circus career as the inside-out girl…. the long seams of raised teethmarks running all over her body making it appear like stitching on a handmade doll turned inside out.