never turn your back on the laundry worker….

'never wash your dirty laundry in public'.

this is not something subscribed to by laundry owners. they are all for washing your dirty laundry in public. those fucking bastards. what does that say about a people who want you to wash your dirty laundry in public? they want to hear about you having affairs, shitting in the sink, killing that postman. there is a great sickness there — in getting thrilled by other peoples worries.

stay away from laundry workers. thats my advice.

plus they know how to get blood and egg stains out of clothes. you can never really trust a person who can get blood and egg stains out of clothing. you would always be thinking 'this bum could take me for an egg sandwich, do me in, and thered be zero evidence'.

no the laundry worker is too fickle for friendship or love. it is in their programming. to them, human life is just a stain making machine which must be removed. let me tell you about the far reaching power of the laundry owner. dont you find it strange that we can put louis armstrong on the moon but we cant make all fabrics 'tumble dryable?' dont you find it strange that we still have to iron shit. that clothes dont come out the dryer crinkle free. this is because the laundry mafia have got the whole clothing industry in their back pocket. 

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7 Responses to never turn your back on the laundry worker….

  1. dewitte says:

    Yikes – you're speaking out in public about laundry workers? You're a brave man, Paul. The last person to do that was… louis armstrong. He never came back. Oh, someone came back, but it wasn't the same louis armstrong that went.

  2. hold on….
    youre saying the laundry mafia got a stand-in, plastic surgeried his face, taught him how to play trumpet, gave him a raspy voice box and taught him how to sing and scat, made the switch on the surface of the moon and left the real louis armstrong floating around up there in a dry-cleaning bag?
    is there nowhere the reach of their detergent soaked fingers cannot reach??? is no-one safe??
    im sorry ive said anything dewitte…. i didnt mean it…. i like laundry workers….really…..some of my best friends are laundry workers….
    …im scared….
    …they wouldnt come after me…..i hope….
    im going into hiding. sssshhhhhhhh!

  3. cha0tic says:

    I would imagine laundry workers really hated Louis Armstrong because of the scat.

  4. Jando says:

    I thought it was Buzz Lightyear that landed on the moon – no matter, the laundry mafia did for him too.

  5. haha. yeah, i think youre right.
    my wee cousin scatted all over my blue suede shoes. you just cant get scat out of suede. you cant spoon it out. you cant rub it out. you cant even sook it out.

  6. yes. youre not wrong. i think buzz was copilot wasnt he?? i think? i think it was buzz, louis and woody.
    or was woody not in apollo 13??. i dont know. i remember woody saying
    "anjelica houston we have a problem".
    she was at mission control back on earth.
    all the celebrities are in space now or ballroom dancing.

  7. Jando says:

    I always get confused about Woody – it's either Apollo 13 or Cheers.
    I know, I know – I should have paid more attention at history camp.

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