glasgow village local news

-Lloyd McGurk let his son Tony stay up late and watch westerns with him with the light off. They ate pieces and crisps.
-Toby and John Magregor have made a shark fin from cardboard and are planning to use it at the swimming pool Thursday. During senior citizens night.
-A large amount of flies have been clouding above the bin shed behind number 15 and also at 17. mr Hutch has used flyspray two days in a row but still more seem to appear every day he says.
-A large pothole has appeared outside the tobacco shop. cars make a catunk noise and shake nearby buildings. The council have filled it up before, but the new tar quickly squishes out.
-Foxes have burst open some dumped bin bags and left rubbish in the street. Some of it has blown into mrs Duntobers pond
-Mr Babeki has found a tattered coat in his hedge. It is a duffel. No doubt left by a late night drunk.
-Mrs Garnet says that a lovely  and wealthy scoundrel had seduced and betrayed her leaving her penniless. She has caught a cold.
-Bobby Magroaty spent all day Saturday chasing an empty crisp packet in the wind.
-John Toffet used the little paper cups that his mothers chocolates came in to pretend they were little boats in the bathroom sink.
Lacking sand, George Muddens made a castle from soil in his back garden and stuck his mothers cocktail umbrellas as flags.
-Vicky Cabrones attic window is broken she has taped a black bag round it with brown tape until she can get it fixed.
-Ken Mossop says his postman will no longer deliver as the letterbox on his door is too tightly springloaded and keeps catching his fingers.
-Dan Locke has found a burst football in his apple tree.
-whilst weeding, Joseph Brody found an old star wars figure in his garden which he had buried while playing as a child. -Chewbacca.
-Frankie Roberts has chicken pox.

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12 Responses to glasgow village local news

  1. Dear Paul, please tell Mrs. Garnet that I, too, am looking for that lovely scoundrel. Him and Rabbit Hole Kincaid…

  2. why are women attracted to scoundrels? tsk tsk tsk.
    i bet dick dastardly had a million girls phone numbers.

  3. Tell Mrs Garnet she was penniless anyhow, and now she has several American quarters I left her after our affair, as well as an Australian $5 note.
    If I am any indication, her cold should be over in another two days or so.

  4. hoh!
    you fiend! never did i imagine it was a scoundrellette.
    wait till the papers get hold of this. they'll have a field day:

    'wealthy foreign photographer leaves victims heartbroken, sick and alone.'
    david trunch. the glasgow herald.

    'le photographe étranger riche laisse des victimes navrées, malades et seules'
    marcel lafontte. the paris post

    'wohlhabender Auslandsfotograf verlässt Opfer todunglücklich, krank und allein'
    gerhard grumpter. the berlin trumpet.

    'el fotógrafo extranjero rico abandona a víctimas afligidas, enfermas y solas'
    gonzales smith. barcelona bugle

  5. That's ok, I have already sent them all my press release on FINDING victims, I mean lovely people, sick and alone, and leaving them with several American quarters and several denominations of Australian currency. I'll accept some responsibility for leaving the navrees (a Navarone affliction, sounds like), todunglucklick (who wouldn't want to leave that behind?) and afligidas – but after all, it's their hearts and not my responsibility if they slip them into my luggage on my outbound flight.

  6. oof. i hope they wrap them in something first.
    hearts mixed in with dirty washing and souvenirs. messy.
    isnt it the middle of the night where you are right now??? its only 10.40 here.

  7. Mrs Garnet wrapped hers in a piece of greasy newspaper, redolent of fish. Or maybe that's just the normal state of her heart – fishy and greasy.
    No one thinks of me, and the favor I am doing to these people, by cleaning up their hearts for them before returning them via Priority International mail. There's just very little appreciation in the world these days.
    It's five forty am. I am up early. Much scoundrelling to do…

  8. ouch. 5.40!
    what a full picture of a scoundrels life we are getting.
    scoundrels get up with the bakers and the postmen. before pipecleanering their hearts and posting them priority mail.

  9. Yeah, ouch indeed. I start work at 06.30 today.
    Getting up WITH the bakers and postmen? I object. They are worse scoundrels than I am! The amount of hearts that go missing even with Priority mail is astounding!

  10. youre so right. i dont trust them. bakers and postmen. with their bread and their letters. who do they think they are?
    do us all a favour and deheart a few bakers and postmen.
    ive got a half day. start at 12.30. got to go. eugghgghhh.
    have a nice day.

  11. I love the GVLN. It's the best thing on all of vox. ALL OF VOX, do you hear!?

  12. Thanks. I had an awesome day. Ripped the heart right out of a Postie on the way home. Great suggestion! I think I have a new career!

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