addiction – the marmalade years.

i like the way a fresh heavy jar feels in my hand, I like depressing the little lid, the tamper evident safety button- discard if button pops up- i like twisting away that little piece of lid-sealing cellophane and seeing it flicker in the light. i like coaxing that metal lid. Holding lightly at first then grasping, squeezing, turning the little metal trapdoor from its glass jar. Then that orange glow. Like a little sugar sunbed. then attacking with the knife or spoon, smearing, spreading, destroying. i love that first taste, washing it over my teeth, the little fingers of orange sugar buzz filling me, caressing me feeling that orange bonfire sliding deeper and deeper down my throat till i think im going to combust then SSSSSS! into my stomach, no two mouthfuls ever quite the same.
Then always the unexpected finish of the jar. Disbelief. Wasn't it just half full yesterday? Paranoia. Didn't we have another jar behind the beans? The blind panic. Substituting with disappointing jam. Then orange cravings. Sugar deprevation. Shakes. Violent outbursts. Fruit Hallucinations. Self harm. Fear. Horrible fear. Insomnia. Crying. Finally The carroty sunrise. Then slowly some relent. As the low evens itself out. Till the store opens 8am.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to addiction – the marmalade years.

  1. dewitte says:


  2. Jamie says:

    I can't believe you've got a copy of that on your blog, DeWitte…I looked everywhere for that thing. That's the first thing I thought of when I read this.The fruit hallucinations must be awful, just awful. Like an acid flash back but with more berries….*shudder*

  3. I've always just had issues with the rind….

  4. mmm. yeh jando i used to be a chivers boy but now i get robinsons.

  5. ! you can get rindless stuff babe. get shredless.

  6. Question: Do people put marmalade on their shortbread? Rindless, or otherwise?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s