minutes of the company of navarone general meeting

paul acknowledged that there had been a general slump in the frequency and quality of the posting and clarified that he had sacked most of the writing team and hired a miss kimberly - who was awful at writing but looked really rather good and had a really nice bum, and that much of his time was now spent flirting with miss kimberly and cutting out paper chain hearts and doves from newspaper whilst giggling. jackson asked if he could have some hired help as his marriage wasnt really working out and he could do with some nice company. haddows asked if he could have someone just to hold and pat his hand and repeat the phrase. 'oh, you poor, poor thing'. this was wholeheartedly accepted and passed. paul asked if he couldnt get a private bathroom seeing as he was the front man and was going to take a lot of the flack should this whole shit hit the fan and end up in a jail sentence. everyone thought it was best if they all had private bathrooms so as to preserve a level of equality amongst the workforce. paul went on to ask for one of those big mask, flashing light and curtained loudspeakers that the wizard of oz had at the end of the film. everyone else thought this was a bad idea as pauls ego had already grown out of control and had seperated from paul entirely and taken on human form. the staff had called him frank and complained that he was hitting on most of their wives. paul assured everyone that frank was merely exploring where the boundary lay in touching other peoples spouses. paul went on to say that frank had indeed found the boundary and that it lay about a mile from here in some long grass out by the old railway yard. everyone agreed that the sooner frank was deported the happier their home lives would become. barnaby raised the issue of the recent stock market slump and enquired as to whether the company should keep all its money in crabcakes or perhaps split the investment into other reformed fish based products. a vote was taken and it was decided to split the shares 3 ways into crabcakes, fishfingers and fishy dinosaur shapes, thereby assuring stability. morgansson asked if there was any money in the kitty to continue his expedition to discover france, as he felt he had gotten very close last time before the whaling ship crashed into a french passenger ferry. pickering mused that he thought france had already been discovered by the dutch sometime in the early eighties and that maybe they should check if that was indeed the case before setting out again. morgansson assured everyone that france was definatly undiscovered and the cheque was signed. at this point someone present audibly farted. no one acknowledged this and it was glossed over. pendlebury asked that any record of the fart not being acknowledged should be stricken from the record as this would only serve to show that someone had indeed farted and would negate the ignoring of the noise. jameson stated that he thought the correct term was 'struck' from the record not 'stricken'. larry 'the fart' langston said the noise had come from his chair moving and that it wasnt a fart at all. nobody then knew whether it was procedure to strick the whole non-event from the record or whether you were supposed to leave it in. paul advised that they should all read up on procedure so that these kind of things didnt bog-down the meetings in red-tape. jameson thought that the actual term was 'strick' rather than struck or stricken and so asked that at least the last mention of struck be changed. paul advised that seeing as it was getting rather late in the day they should all just wish shirley temple a happy 25th birthday. everyone did so. shirley thanked the commitee. macauley culkin said that it was his 50th birthday next week and that everyone was invited round to his house for jelly and ice cream. everyone was very happy about this and it was decided to cut the meeting short and go to the park and play frisbee. everyone did so. 

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16 Responses to minutes of the company of navarone general meeting

  1. AmyH says:

    I don't remember getting my proxy statement in the mail.

  2. Thank you for the prompt and detailed report, good sir. As always, you have the authority to vote my shares, however, as of late I have been considering the benefits a healthy dose of fishy dinosaur shapes might bring to my diet…

  3. "…would negate the ignoring of the noise." STOP! You're killing ME!!!!!

  4. Ishtar says:

    haddows asked if he could have someone just to hold and pat his hand and repeat the phrase. 'oh, you poor, poor thing'.how much do you pay for the hand-patter? And too bad I missed the ghoulish I-Ching!

  5. hand-patters dont come cheap. a good hand-patter costs about the same as what it costs to add a second bathroom and patio to your property.
    i actually stole the hand patter from a jimmy stewart film called 'harvey'.{u seen it?} harvey is a six foot rabbit who can grant wishes who only jimmy can see.
    an old man in the film is asked if he could have anything in the world what would he have, and he asks for a good looking woman who says nothing but pats his hand all day and says 'oh you poor, poor thing'.
    my girlfriend actually has the real i-ching book. maybe ill do that for the neighbourhood one day.

  6. Lauri says:

    Applying some Gold Bond powder to the iching book could bring relief. (sorry, I'm not in your league, paul, but I have to try)

  7. no no! thats perfect advice!. we have tried calamine lotion and an oatmeal bath but still the book is iching.
    i'll give Gold Bond a try.
    poor book.

  8. Lauri says:

    ….or maybe a moisturizer, if it's got chapped-ters. 😛

  9. Ishtar says:

    No, I haven't seen the movie. Did the rabbit grant the wish? I was more thinking of applying for the position, especially now that I know it pays well. I don't know about the good look part, but I'm an experienced patter with a very sympathetic voice, which comes in silky, medium firm, firm combinations… Looking forward to the neighborhood iching. And by the way, you think a book would just tell you things if it were not iching? Is the powder and such really a good idea?

  10. no. the rabbit didnt make it come true. in the end he went back to hanging around with jimmy stewart, who never wanted any wishes granted, because he was always happiest just being alongside the rabbit and the rabbit was always happiest just being alongside him because he never wanted anything.
    haddows is ecstatic, you're hired.

  11. Ishtar says:

    hurrah! the rabbit and jimmy stewart can have each other…

  12. Lauri says:

    Time seems to pass differently on The Blog of Navarone.It seems I was just here reading and now it says this was posted 5 days ago, and I was here 3 days ago. Which dimension are you in?

  13. Belladonna says:

    Navarone time has obviously taken over Vox…

  14. Lauri says:

    That has to be a good thing.

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