finished it.

thats it. ive finished. at 612pm today i finished the internet. i exhausted it. ive now seen everything on the internet. nothing left. been there. done that. every page. every jpeg, every advert. finished. done.      compleeeted.


might as well go back to the start and do it all again.

course theres no official adjudicator in these matters. but i want you all to know i was the first to finish it. i have been asked by the times to write a snappy review.:

the internet is very good. it lags a bit in the middle and you can really see the end coming. some of the characters are a bit unbelievable and hence you dont really feel for them when the going gets tough. also it was about half an hour too long. for me they could have completely cut out the bit about hermit crabs. it would flow better. i give it 6 out of 10.

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16 Responses to finished it.

  1. SweetMisery says:

    Hermit Crabs will unite and visit you in the night.

  2. quirkster says:

    It's not the hermit crabs he needs to worry about, it's the gang of zombie land-crab enforcers who disguise themselves as hermit crabs.

  3. dewitte says:

    "too many notes"It's about time you're done with that thing. Now you can get back to work!

  4. Jamie says:

    I could have done without the hermit crab bit myself. I read the whole thing and we still killed all the crabs we bought this summer. Flush! Stupid internet.

  5. mariser says:

    I saw this post under VOX's fangled editorial section, {this is technology] and had to check it out. you are like the first person ever to go all the way, right?'tis a disappointment about the hermit crab. it came this close from being left on the editing room's floor.

  6. Belladonna says:

    Personnally, I loved the cameo in the middle by Samuel L Jackson; who would have thought he could have carried off the Joan Collins impersonation? It´s just a shame the world famous Internet Cameo Silver Mouse Award nominations have already been announced. I haven´t got to the bit with the hermit crabs yet.

  7. SweetMisery says:

    I see. Will you let him know.

  8. navelgazer says:

    I don't know– I kind of can't imagine an internet without the hermit crabs– it just wouldn't feel right. plus, they're metaphoric.

  9. Lauri says:

    LOL!(I have a hermit crab named Claude who is six years old). He is totally with you on leaving hermit crabs off the internet, though. He couldn't care less! 🙂

  10. martin says:

    Congrats! Now you can un-suscribe. Actually, no you can't. A celebrity now. World tour. Autograph sessions. Not a moment of peace. Paparazzi tailing you everywhere. Can no longer eat your lunch all by yourself. Seclusion. Loneliness. Cynicism sets in. You have arrived! (And now, I am forced to find another route to success.) 🙂

  11. So, life as usual for Paul, then?

  12. martin says:

    Yes! Good point. Off the beaten path 🙂

  13. actually. no sooner have i finished it that theres talk of a new one:

    "internet 2. return of the internet."
    ……….now with more hermit crab!

    ah! feck! more hermit crab????!! forget it. im not gonna bother.

  14. navelgazer says:

    depends– how's the hermit crab prepared? with some garlic and clarified butter could be tasty.

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