The Calcified Steinway

a story about Albert, a story about Bernice, a story about love, a story about crime, a story about stomach problems, a story of cheap shop-bought crap, but most of all a story about giblets. lukewarm giblets. the neighbourhood of navarones first novel is a tour de force. a literary triumph as exciting as chewing a bakelite plug. surely soon to be the no.1 bestseller…….


It was a wet day. Albert pulled up outside the bank of West Hollingsworth and his passenger got out and made a mad dash through through rain towards the Bank entrance, but Albert remained in the car with the motor running and his cap slunk down low over his eyes. He was about to doze off when he heard a noise, and saw, across the street from the bank, a woman with a yellow umbrella crashing into a mailbox…
"Stupid drunks", he thought to himself as he pulled his cap back over his eyes. No sooner had he achieved a state of utter relaxation than Bernice was back in the car with the package.

"Move it!" she barked.

But inside his mind something stirred, at first as faint and removed as an intestinal itch, then all of a sudden it made him sit up: yellow! he thought, how could it yellow?!…that once snow white parchment which bore the stamp of his true worth, framed in genuine 10"x 14" mockhogany with gilt edging from ValuMart:

J. Albert Aloyisus Criminey, Certified Poultry Offal Icer.

The giblets were warming beneath his seat in the stale air of the ageing car heater.
"What IS that hideous smell?" whined Bernice.
Those are my giblets, Bernice, as if you didn't know! and that's dinner for the next two nights unless you got what you dragged me down here for!

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4 Responses to The Calcified Steinway

  1. Now all you need is blurbs for the back cover! (You, sir, have inspired me. I shall have a LIMERICK contest in my neighborhood. PRIZES… I must find prizes!)

  2. ooh. im gonna play.
    i'll look out for it.
    ( prizes even! ) fancy!

  3. navelgazer says:

    brilliant!!! of course we are. it's really always all about the giblets.

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