retired senile cat burglar Henry Cranford aka 'the cat' has wandered off from his old folks home. "its not the first time hes ran off." says care assistant Jemma Flunt. " i think someone else might be feeding him because he usually wanders back after a couple of days…this is the longest he's been gone."
single ladies or elderly widows expecting a nubile Cary Grant type figure will be dissapointed. "he's as ugly as sin" reports Patricia Trunk. " forget 'to catch a thief' – he's a cross between Bela Lugosi and Ironside. it's not that it isnt exciting, but he's damaging roof tiles lurking about up there. the old fool put his foot through mrs Fenchs skylight last week. she had to get some ladders and push his foot out with a broom. and not a word of thanks she says…he just limps off….cursing."
residents are asked to be vigilant for someone with a thick black coat and white booties, answers to the name Henry. he was last seen around the duck pond. trying to catch birds.