mrs klaussmans horoscopes for february.

aquarius

A day spent in a glass elevator allows for serious reflection. beware the sting from a dead bee. a stray cat -mr winkles – will follow you home. a bingo win raises morale. a stampede at an evil knevel booksigning leads to longterm mental scarring. you become unhinged start wearing a porkpie hat and mumbling about picking feet in poughkeepsie.

 

pisces

An old Greco romanwrestling foe causes consternation in the workplace. A local butcher causes mayhem with dodgy sausage meat. Expect surgery in the New Year. an aunt leaves you her hatpin collection.

 

aries

A scuffle with a cripple will leave you bruised and battered. Retreat and regroup. A week spent in bandit country brings about a difficult firearm decision. Don’t look to others you know the answer. your grandmothers diary reveals she fought with the allies during the war and that she was adept at blowing up troop trains.Lucky siren: fire.

 

taurus

An old member of Jefferson starship makes advances on your mother. Beware tigers at home.  around the 25th a norwegian named olaf will drive over your foot. Lucky colour: mauve. Lucky cheese: brie. your friends newborn takes an instant dislike to you and hisses like a cat in your presence. your friends request that you wear a fake beard and an easter bonnet when visiting to prevent anxiety. this will upset you. be strong.

 

gemini

A show of force at a car dealership will prove costly. an accident in the kitchen will be fatal for you. avoid gin rummy. Lucky sandals: jesus.

 

cancer

If people are nice to you its because they want your money. A rabbit punch to the liver warns gold diggers. around the 18th you will meet a hungarian and embark on a passionate romance but this will end in tragedy when your sidecar and motorcycle seperates at high speed. Lucky fruit: orange.

 

leo

A flare up over garden boundary lines ends in stalemate. A well-known football hooligan proposes. while holidaying in lima you accidentally foil an attempt by the lopato front to steal the remains of saint alfredo del guape. you are given the highest honour in lima- 'the rose garcale'.  Lucky illness: DVT

 

virgo

A tourist in uniform from manilla will set hearts fluttering. Get set for spicy romance. An accident with a snorkel proves an amusing after dinner anecdote. Lucky number: 19

 

libra

A parking dispute with the ginger one from sex and the city causes stress at home. a nortons sausage truck jacknifes outside your home. the smell of meat lingers in the air till march.a lottery win appeases a local loan shark.

 

scorpio

A petty dispute over coleslaw at the local supermarket results in childish grappling on the shop floor. you will lose-breaking your wrist in the process. the defeat will haunt you and become a millstone round your neck slowly affecting your relationships and your career. you will win jam at a raffle. blackcurrant.

 

sagittarius

A stress claim brought about from the finding of a body part in a sugar coated breakfast cereal allows for backpacking round europe.a chance meeting with a fellow resistance member brings about unanswered questions regarding general francos regime. go for closure.

 

capricorn

A fascist librarian reawakens childhood gym class trauma. stand firm. rome wasnt built in a day. see the wood for the trees.realise you are in the wrong forest. build a motorway. charge a toll. move on.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s