the amazing little toaster

well its a funny thing but on a weekday i very often like to eat toast, and i was making toast this very tuesday and the little toaster jammed and burnt my toast-and well, i just snapped. one moment i was fine then  -pop-  i was seething, and i thought to myself.."this inanimate object refuses to apologise on the grounds that it has no conscience nor voicebox to air regret" and so i decided that moment that it should be held responsible in the same way as you or i and so i unplugged the little toaster and i took it out down the close into the back court and i put it on top of mrs fergusons vauxhall astra – because im sure she wouldnt mind – shes a very unassuming person who leaves people be – which in an elderly person is very refreshing, anyway, so i shot that little toaster clean off the top of that astra and i went around the car, picked it up, took it upstairs, plugged it in, put in a new piece of bread, pushed down the little lever – and do you know – and this is the most amazing thing – do you know that toaster burnt that fucking second piece of bread.

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3 Responses to the amazing little toaster

  1. navelgazer says:

    perhaps next time you should drown it in the bath– and don't forget to keep it plugged in so it's really conscious for the lesson…

  2. i like your thinking navelgazer. we could use more people like you over here. i'll try that.

  3. navelgazer says:

    no, don't– please.

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